Facing a petite pickle when what you really, really want is a continental cucumber? Did anyone ever tell you, it’s not the size that matters but how you use it?
That’s right, there’s more to sexual pleasure than the numbers on a tape measure.
In some cases, the penis owner is dissatisfied with the size of their own gear, while in others it’s their partner. Typically, however, it’s men who have a problem with how their penis measures up.*
As a certified clinical sexuality coach with experience in the adult goods industry, men often ask me if penis-enlargement products, such as pumps, will really make their penis bigger. These men may perceive their penis to be on the smaller side or have been told so. Other men may have a penis that is average-sized or larger, but they want it to be bigger. Either way, their penis length or girth is inadequate in their eyes or someone else’s whose opinion has mattered to them.
In fact, research shows that only 55 per cent of men are happy with their penis size, with 45 per cent wanting to be larger and 0.2 per cent wanting smaller (1). This is not surprising when you consider how widely porn is consumed from an early age, and that the industry typically features above-average sized men filmed from the most flattering angles.
Given that the penis is so strongly tied to men’s self-esteem and cultural definitions of manhood, dissatisfaction with size can cause distress to them and, in turn, their partner and the relationship. Some will seek penis pumps as a solution or try other products that claim to increase penis size, such as extenders, stretchers, pills and lotions, or even surgical interventions. But are they worth trying?
My advice to the penis owner is to first speak to their physician about their concerns, because certain conditions and medications can affect penis size. It’s also important to consider the possibility of underlying mental health issues contributing to the dissatisfaction.
Bigger isn’t always better
Now, let’s see how the penis in question fits into the bigger picture.
According to research, the average length of an erect penis is 5.5 to 6.3 inches (2). However, the difference from flaccid to erect is more noticeable in some men than others. For example, one study found that for almost 3 in 4 men, their penis grows more than 1.5 inches when erect (they are ‘growers’) whereas around 1 in 4 experience less change (they are ‘showers’).
But a big penis does not make a whole person. There are many other positive aspects of the penis owner and of sex.
For instance, research shows that women often place greater importance on a man’s personality and grooming than on his penis size (3). It’s a myth that ‘bigger is better’ because a penis that is too long or wide for the receiver can cause vaginal or anal pain or discomfort and internal tearing or trauma. It can also make oral sex painful or difficult to perform. An above-average penis size can also be problematic for its owner because this has been associated with increased risk of infection (4).
Working with what you’ve got
Whether you’re dissatisfied with penis size or your partner is, you know plenty of tips and tricks to make the most of what you’re working with, like these:
- Maintain a healthy weight because a protruding belly can ‘hide’ a penis.
- Practise a Taoist technique aimed at strengthening the penis head, increasing size and creating more of a mushroom shape. Learn it with clinical sexuality coaching.
- Trim pubic hair at the base of the penis to make it look bigger.
- Place a cock ring around the base of the shaft (and balls if desired) to make erections feel harder and potentially look bigger.
- Wear a penis sleeve, extension or hollow strap-on during sex to feel bigger.
- Use a penis pump to temporarily increase size and provide erection support.
- Perform stretches to increase hip flexibility and, in turn, depth of penetration.
- Try positions that encourage deeper penetration (for example, doggy style) or that encourage circular movements (such as being straddled by a facing partner) to shift the focus and provide grinding external stimulation.
- Commit to mindfulness to focus more on the moment and on mutual pleasure.
Combining a range of these techniques to modify the real or perceived size of your partner’s penis or your own may gradually turn dissatisfaction into satisfaction.
*Of course, penis owners can identify using terms other than ‘man’.
References
(1) Wylie, K R & Eardley, I 2007, ‘Penile size and the ‘small penis syndrome’, BJU International, 12 vol. 99., no. 6, pp. 1449-55, viewed 1 November 2020, DOI: 10.1111/j.1464-410X.2007.06806.x
(2) Ibid
(3) Ibid
(4) Grove, C, Parsons, J T & Bimbi, D S, 2010, ‘The association between penis size and sexual health among men who have sex with men’, Archives of Sexual Behaviour, vol. 39, no. 3, pp. 788-97, viewed 3 November 2020, DOI: 10.1007/s10508-008-9439-5
Main photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash