One of the common assumptions about anal play is that it’s supposed to hurt then somehow it doesn’t. As if by magic, ‘oh ouch’ turns to ‘oh yes’.
While anal play can be pleasurable, it’s not always comfortable. So, adults giving or receiving should know practical ways to reduce any discomfort if it occurs, rather than wishing it away.
Pleasurable anal play, whether it involves penetration by a partner or an anal sex toy, relies on good preparation, both physical and metal. Your body and mind need to be open to the experience, without allowing stress, worry or pressure to get in the way. This is particularly true if it’s been painful before because your body and mind will be primed to expect the same, making your anus tighten. But with a little preparation, you”ll be on your way towards purr-fect pleasure.
Anal play shouldn’t hurt
It’s commonly assumed that anal play will hurt, damage or weaken the receiver’s anal muscles. As with most physical activities, it is possible to get hurt or permanently injured if you’re not being careful or are forcing something that doesn’t feel good or isn’t safe.
However, if you listen to your body (or your partner), and only take anal play as far as it can go comfortably and safely, it will get easier and more pleasurable over time without causing pain or injury.
Of course, there will be some occasions when anal play just doesn’t work. Don’t be hard on yourself or your partner – it’s okay. Engage in other intimate activities and leave your butt/s for another time. The easiest way to look after the body is to listen to what it’s saying and only do what it’s asking.
What if anal play does hurt?
There are two main types of pain you can experience during anal play: one is surface-level, while the other is deeper.
Surface-level pain during anal sex may feel like a stinging or friction sensation. It occurs because the anus, unlike the vagina, does not produce natural lubricant so you need to apply a sufficient amount.
Always use a high-quality anal lubricant to reduce friction and increase glide between your anal lining and whatever is being safely inserted. While regular personal lubricant is okay, anal lubes tend to be thicker for extra cushioning and comfort. Water-based lubricant is compatible with a wide range of sex toy materials, whereas silicone-based lubricant is a longer-lasting option and ideal for anal play in water.
If you’re experiencing surface-level stinging, apply as much lubricant as you need to feel better. Enduring the discomfort will only make your body tighten and worsen the problem.
The second type of pain that may occur during anal play is a deeper, muscular sensation. This can be hard to distinguish from surface-level pain, especially if you’re a beginner. But if applying more lube doesn’t help, then it may be that your muscles aren’t warmed up enough.
So, if you feel comfortable continuing, insert something narrower but don’t force it. Make sure you are in a position conducive to anal penetration and perform slow, rhythmic breathing to help your muscles relax and open up your anus and rectum. Be kind to yourself (and your partner) if you don’t get to do everything you wanted to. Comfort and safety are more important.
Should I numb the area?
It may sound like a good idea, and is the go-to for some people, but using a numbing product to reduce discomfort during anal play can make it more likely that you (or your partner) will get hurt.
Most anal numbing or desensitising products use local anaesthetics not all that different to what you’d find at the dentist. While these products can make it easier to keep going after your lubricant has absorbed or dispersed, or your muscles tighten, the reduced sensation means you risk pushing your body beyond its limits and won’t realise how much damage you’ve done inside.
What to do after anal play
After your anal play session, you’ll want to go to the bathroom. You can use a warm, damp cloth or hypoallergenic, intimate wipe to clean up externally, but resist the urge to use the toilet. Your anal muscles have just had a workout! Let them rest for 10 to 15 minutes and you’ll recover much faster.
If you notice some a small amount of blood on the toilet paper and there isn’t any more when you wipe again 5 minutes later, then there was probably too much friction, so use more lubricant next time.
You may also experience a stingy sensation, which you can soothe by applying some coconut oil or cocoa butter salve. Avoid products containing scents, dyes or other ingredients which may irritate the area.
If there’s more than a small amount of blood, or it persists, seek urgent medical attention. It may be serious, it may not be – either way, you should get checked out. Be honest with your healthcare professional about what you’ve been doing to help them investigate and provide any treatment. Don’t worry, there’s little they haven’t seen or heard before.
Have a booty-ful time!
Anal play isn’t in everyone’s repertoire, nor should it be, because each has different needs and desires. But any who decide to try it alone or with a partner can do so pain-free. Invest in good preparation, apply enough lubricant and address discomfort immediately, then you’ll have plenty of those ‘oh yes’ moments.
Credits
Main photo by Dainis Graveris on Unsplash